Pornstar and Trump accuser, Stormy Daniels has described how she was sexually abused at the age of nine and how she used horses to survive a tumultuous childhood.
Speaking on the first episode of Daily Mail's Everything I Know About Me: Stormy Daniels, which was released Tuesday, June 11, the pornstar at the center of Donald Trump's hush money trial revealed that she wanted to go back and 'kill' her abuser, but he was already dead.
Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, said she spent most of her childhood in a small house in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, which fell into disrepair after her father left.
She revealed she always felt sympathetic for her father because he 'made it very clear that he didn't want to have children.'
She claimed she was often questioned about why she wasn't more mad that her father left the family.
'But if a woman is being dishonest, it sort of takes that power away,' she explained. 'And he never wanted children.
'So it's really hard to be angry at a man who didn't have that choice, which sounds very opposite of what we're used to hearing that, you know, women are the ones that should have the voice and the choice and whatever, but so, I think so should men - and he didn't.'
Her father remarried and divorced - but when he was with the second wife Susan, she made sure Daniels remained in his life and took her horseback riding for the first time.
'My stepmom was like very excited to teach me about horses and show me horses,' Daniels said. 'She bought me my first pair of riding boots.'
'It was nice to get away and have a clean place to sleep at least twice a year,' Daniels added.
Later, as a teenager, Daniels spent $500 of Christmas money given to her by her stepfather to purchase an ailing horse named Jade.
Riding and taking care of Jade, Daniels said, was how she kept herself out of trouble during her high school years.
Daniels remembered that there would be no food in the house and her mother would disappear for days at a time.
'And I wouldn't eat,' the adult actress recalled.
She explained that as an adult if she becomes the slightest bit hungry 'I panic.'
'I can't stand to be hungry,' she noted. 'It's such a trigger for me.'
Daniels then revealed the name of her abuser and said she wasn't allowed to reveal his name in her tell-all book.
'He's dead now, by the way, because I later went back to kill him,' she said. 'And he was already, he was already deceased.'
'Although it shouldn't really matter because I know there's a police record,' she continued, adding that the omission 'made me very angry.'
In the interview, Daniels recalls wanting to resurrect her relationship with her mother when
she was pregnant with her own daughter.
'And I will tell you that the second my daughter was born, every once of forgiveness, sympathy empathy - maybe I'm being too hard - [for] my mom went out the window and I completely stopped speaking to her,' Daniels recalled.
'I haven't accepted a text, a phone call, a message, an email, nothing since the day my daughter was born,' she added
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